11/24/24: Djinn Drive

The offerings necessary for a Summoning are highly specific, and deviation or improper sourcing may lead to unwanted outcomes. The requisite items are as follows: 

• “A five-leaf clover,” is satisfied with a five-leaf specimen of any member of the Trifolieae family. Five-leaf Fenugreek is relatively common and commercially available. 

• “A trespassing being,” is satisfied with any locally invasive species. During my time by the Bay, I relied upon the New Zealand mudsnail, easily found during low-tide.

• “A smattering of ambergris,” is fortunately satisfied by synthetic ambrox. A ‘smattering’ refers to 3.14 grams. 

• “A single mosquito, satiated by the blood of an innocent,” requires obtaining specifically a mosquito of the Aedes species, which has fed on a human under the age of 16 within the previous 24 hours. 

• “A spoonful of milk of poppy,” can be substituted for 200mcg of medical-grade Fentanyl, or its analgesic equivalent (ie Oxycodone 80mg, Methadone 20mg, etc).

• “A decagram of diamond divided by ten, brilliantly cut,” is the most prohibitively expensive of the ingredients, coming out to ten 5-carat diamonds. Good luck. 

Once the offerings above have been collected, refer to Table 13, which lists the proper incantations based on the metaphysical qualia as originally described by…

• Fragment from the Martin family journal 

---

It took Tom Martin three months to scrounge up the courage to perform the summoning ritual, and then another week to gather the ingredients. On an otherwise normal Wednesday evening, he lit the summoning candle, lay down the necessary offerings, and spoke the appropriate incantations. 

A minute passed. And then two. His father had advised against making any unnecessary noise, and so he breathed quietly, leaving the only noise that of an old grandfather clock in the background. The family casebook reported that it took anywhere between three and twelve minutes to summon a ghost, and Tom tried to be patient. 

There was no otherworldly wind that swept through the basement nor choir of heavenly voices. Instead, one moment there was empty space, and the next, a ghost had appeared in front of Tom. 

“Solomon Hashimoto, at your service,” the ghost said. He was a tall, imposing figure, draped in a green cloak, a pipe drooping out the side of his mouth. He seemed tired, as if he was at the tail end of a long workday. 

Tom cleared his throat, peering down at the words he had transcribed from the family casebook the night before. 

“By the power of this summoning candle, the four winds of Annabel Lee, the eye of Lenora, the - “

“I’m not much for formality these days,” the ghost said, walking over to the corner of the room, where Tom kept his liquor cart. “You don’t mind if I help myself, do you? Mighty hard to get ahold of good whiskey in the spirit world these days.”

“No no, go ahead,” Tom said. 

“So what do you want? You’re Harry’s boy, aren’t you? He was a good lad. Mainly asked for help during the War.”

“The War?” 

“The Vietnam war. Or was it the Great War? It’s hard to keep track - you mortals are always squabbling with one another. He made it out alive because of me, you know. He made the necessary offerings, asked for my protection, and so I kept watch over him. Bumped the elbow of those who would have shot him dead, tipped the scales when he was under enemy fire, that kind of thing.” 

“Oh,” Tom said. He hadn’t known that. His father had never spoken of his time in the army. It was only the year prior, when he had finally drank himself to death, that he had passed on the family secret to Tom. 

“Your grandfather, on the other hand. There was a man with ambition. Summoned me quite a few times to assassinate the… Oh well, I’m getting carried away now, aren’t I? What is it that you want, little one?” 

Tom’s throat suddenly felt very dry. 

“Well, there are these people… A couple. They live on 489 Magnolia Street, across from the old bank building. Unit 204. I would like you to haunt them.” 

“Ah. Mortal enemies, eh?” 

“Something like that.” 

“They wronged you? Besmirched your honor?” 

“Well… they’re tenants. I own the property they live in. And they won’t move out. And they have rent control. And I can’t legally evict them. The opportunity cost with every month that they live there is astronomical.” 

The ghost paused mid-sip of whiskey. There was a long silence, in which Tom suddenly wondered if this hadn’t all been a mistake. 

“You’re telling me that you summoned me. To haunt your tenants.”

“Yes.”

“Because they have rent control.” 

“Yes?”

For a moment, Tom thought that the ghost wouldn’t comply. And then - 

“Very well,” he sighed, before disappearing. 

---

Evenshore was small, as far as planes of existence went, measuring only forty kilometers from end-to-end. But it had the unique property of transecting an enormous number of other planes, like a blade slammed into a deck of cards. 

Solomon Hashimoto made his way to the Evenshore harbor, then walked along the water until he reached the old abandoned lighthouse. Back when it had first been decommissioned, there had been plans to tear it down - but the ground beneath it was found to be eroding, and ultimately it was thought that dismantling it would be more trouble than it was worth. 

He knocked thrice, and then waited, smoking a pipe to keep him warm. The friend who had directed him here had told him to be patient. After half an hour, the door finally creaked open, and an old Nereid peered at him through the crack. 

“Mrs. Sargassum?” Solomon asked.

“Who’s asking?” 

“Solomon Hashimoto, a sprite of the Nine Isles. Parlin sent me here. He told me to tell you that he was calling in his favor.”

There was a pause, and then the sound of a latch being unlocked. The door opened to Sargassum, who stood there holding a candle. She was a small, frail thing, with a battered pair of spectacles hanging around her neck by a strap.

“Well come in then. And be quick about it, before you let the cold in.” 

The door closed behind them, and she led the both of them up a set of winding stairs. The bottom floors were abandoned and full of dust. But at the top, there was a living room, warm and brightly lit by Glowlight stones. 

“Tea?” Sargassum asked, as Solomon made himself comfortable on a cushion. 

“Please.”

He looked around as she puttered about, putting a kettle on and rummaging through a shelf for tea leaves. The curved walls of the room had been lined with custom bookshelves, which looked like the work of a master woodsmith. Tomes upon tomes were stacked in piles taller than he was.

“Daughter of Fishes?”

“Sorry?” 

“It’s a nice oolong, freshly imported. I also have Safe. And TeaSpec, although this latest batch did not age well. I also have several bricks of a nice Pu’er from - “ 

“I’ll take Daughter of Fishes, thank you.” 

“Very good,” Sargassum said, opening a jar and sniffing it before pouring it out. “Now, what is it that I can help you with?” 

“I keep on being summoned to one of the mortal planes by a petty mortal to perform petty hauntings.”

“Petty?” 

“The first was to scare off two tenants the summoner couldn’t legally evict. I did the usual - slammed some doors shut, exploded a bag of flour, untuned their piano, rearranged their cabinets. It was work that was beneath me, but I hadn’t left Evenshore in some time and the pay was good.” 

“How much?” 

“A five-leaf clover, a mudsnail, a smattering of ambergris, an Aedes mosquito, some methadone, and 10 five carat diamonds. The first five are required to punch through the local aether, the last is the price that was agreed upon by the mortal and spirit who originally created the plane’s contract.” 

“A steep price, just to evict some tenants.” 

“That’s what I thought too, but apparently housing there has gotten more expensive.”

Solomon took a sip of the tea that had been poured out for him. 

“This is good,” he said. 

“You’re welcome.”

Solomon took another sip. 

“Anyway. I haunted them, they moved out, and I thought that that was the end of it. But a week later, the same summoner brought me back. He runs a car wash business, and wanted me to haunt the competitor that had just opened up across the street.” 

“And?” 

“I poured some pig’s blood into the water supply, flickered the lights a bit, and the car wash shut down. But the summons haven’t stopped. Just this past week, he summoned me to wreck his ex-girlfriend’s wedding, harass his childhood bully, and haunt his neighbor’s house so he could buy them out and flip the property. I’ve spent more time on the Earth plane than I have in Evenshore. The other day, he summoned me when I was in the shower. The indignity of it.” 

“So? Find a contract lawyer. There are Djinns who specialize as loophole experts, I could give you a few names.” 

“I did. Every Djinn I’ve gone to has said the same thing - that the good-faith clause forbids me from monkey-pawing him. The mortal who originally wrote the summoning ritual knew what he was doing. But at this point, I’m not even interested in getting out of the contract. Something else about this has been bothering me. ” 

“Ah. What can I answer for you?” asked Sargassum. 

Solomon pulled out a pouch from his cloak, set it down on the table, and slid it in front of her.

“Where has he been getting the diamonds?” 

Sargassum set her tea down, put on her spectacles, and picked a diamond out from the pouch. For the next minute, she squinted at it from every angle, watching it glitter under Glowlight. She tapped the side of her spectacles, and the lenses shifted in color to a dark amber. 

“Well?” Solomon asked. 

“They’re real diamonds, although you already knew that. They’re all perfectly colorless. The clarity is perfect, or close to it, with no inclusions that I can make out. The cut is of average journeyman quality, and leaves something to be desired.” 

“I don’t understand, then. The economics of the summons don’t work out. Diamonds are universally rare on every plane, and the petty tasks he’s assigning me shouldn’t be worth even the lowest price that one could procure - “ 

Solomon stopped, as Sargassum carefully dropped the diamond into her mouth, and swallowed it with a mouthful of tea. 

“Oh don’t look so peeved. You’ll get it back later, although you may not want it.” 

“What - “ 

“Shush. Now, be quiet,” Sargassum said, closing her eyes. 

A minute passed. Then another. At the five minute mark, Solomon found himself bored. 

“Just as I suspected. These diamonds weren’t mined, they were grown,” Sargassum said. 

“Diamonds aren’t flowers. You can’t just grow them.” 

“I can’t tell you the how or the why. Just that the diamond I ate only came into existence a month ago. It was grown, cultivated, synthesized, forced into existence. That’s all my Gutsight can tell us. The mortals in that plane of yours must have figured out a way to grow diamonds.”

They sat there in silence, thinking. Outside, the sound of waves from the sea drifted steadily in. All of a sudden, Solomon became acutely aware that the lighthouse they were in was supposed to have crumbled into the sea a decade ago.  

“Do you mind?” Solomon said, taking out his pipe. 

“Not if you share,” Sargassum said. “What do you have?” 

“Sweetleaf, and some pipe-weed. Do you have a preference?” 

“Pipe-weed, if you would be so kind,” Sargassum said.

Solomon took the last of his pipe-weed from a bag he had hidden in his cloak, lit and inhaled, then passed it over. 

“This has implications,” Sargassum said, twin jets of smoke trailing from her nostrils. She held the pipe like she had smoked for centuries. 

“I can’t spend the diamonds, can I?” Solomon said sadly. 

“No. If you start flooding the market, it’ll draw too much attention. The Redcloaks are constrained in their Manifest Destiny by, among other things, the sheer quantity of high-carat diamonds required to power their war blimps. If word gets out that there’s a mortal plane capable of growing diamonds, and that it’s accessible via Evenshore, they’ll bring their war here.” 

“We’ve survived worse.”

“I can survive having my arm cut off. Doesn’t mean I want to.” 

Solomon took another draw from his pipe. This particular strain of pipe-weed had been a gift from a friend, and was only grown on one of the celestial planes. He was sad to see it go.

“The problem of your summoner is easy to solve. Tom Martin, was it? A summoning contract goes both ways. We can invert the ritual and summon him to Evenshore. Scare the living daylights out of him. He wouldn’t dare touch the ritual again once we send him back,” Sargassum said. 

“I thought about that. The ingredients are too hard to procure. Eye of a fire salamander, and - “ 

“I know a guy,” Sargassum said with a wave of her hand.

“Info will leak out about grown diamonds regardless. There are at least six other active summoning contracts on that mortal plane that I know about, and probably a dozen more that I don’t. As the price of diamonds falls, those contracts will be used more and more. And the diamonds used as payment will eventually find their way to the Redcloaks, who will come looking.” 

“Unless…” Sargassum trailed off, a pensive look on her face. 

“Unless?”

“What did you say the offerings required for the summoning ritual were again?” 

“A five-leaf clover, an invasive species, a smattering of ambergris, an Aedes mosquito, opium, and diamonds. Why?”

“I have an idea.” 

---

Kevin Esvelt was taking an afternoon nap, when he felt a twang in his chest like someone had slingshotted his heart across the horizon. 

One moment he was asleep on his office couch. The next, he was on the ground in the center of a circular room. Soft light poured down from stones in the ceiling, and the air tasted like sea salt. 

“Kevin Esvelt, Professor-Scientist,” said a voice from the corner of the room. “You have been summoned here, to - “

“Am I dreaming?” Kevin asked, rubbing his eyes. 

There was a pause. 

“Yes…?” the voice said. 

“My watch is still working, with no distortion effects. Still have all my fingers. Can’t push my hand through the ground. Hmmm, let me try breathing with my nose and mouth shut.” 

Kevin confirmed that he could not, in fact, breathe with his nose and mouth shut. 

“Just passed all my reality checks. Which means I’m not dreaming. Which means I’ve been kidnapped,” Kevin said. “That’s… not good.” 

“As I was saying,” the voice continued, “You have been summoned here to receive a boon. Bloodline magic from the Djinn of Rive, himself.” 

A sheath of paper was shoved into Kevin’s hand. They appeared to be lab notes, written in his own handwriting. 

“For years, you have been toiling away in your laboratory, working on liver-stage malaria parasite vaccines. Toil no longer, for there is another way. Now, sleep!” 

And then Kevin awoke with a start back in his own office. The air still tasted like old books and sea salt. In his hands were notes for a new idea he couldn’t ever remember writing. They were impeccably detailed, laying out the theory and practicalities of a new way of eradicating mosquitoes. It was simple really, all one had to do was to…

And as seasons turned and his ideas moved from paper to bench to field, the world turned, and the mortal plane found itself more alone in the deck of cards that was the fabric of existence. 

---

Author’s Note:

• Kevin Esvelt is a biologist involved in the early development of gene drives as a proposed method of eradicating mosquitoes. ‘Djinn Drive’ was meant to be a play on “Gene Drive.” 

  • Gene drives have always reminded me of bloodline magic in Order of the Stick, by virtue of their ability to eradicate part or all of a species.

  • This encounter, in which the idea of a gene drive is literally handed to a scientist by otherworldly entities, was inspired by Kary Mullis, who purportedly invented PCR while tripping on LSD and wrote about a fluorescent talking raccoon who may or may not have been an alien and who may or may not have given him some of his research ideas.

• Lab-grown diamonds have been steadily rising in market-share, and in many cases are indistinguishable from and at least 10x cheaper than mined diamonds. 

• The story’s form of summoning magic was loosely inspired by DnD 5e, in which the costs of spell components are well-defined and listed exhaustively.

  • In case this story was too opaque, the solution that Solomon and Sargassum dream up is to eradicate mosquitoes, a critical spell component for Earth-Evenshore summoning transportation, thereby isolating Earth’s lab-grown diamond supply from the rest of the multiverse.

• Daughter of Fishes, Safe, and TeaTec are fictional teas from “Ancillary Justice,” “The Broken Earth Trilogy,” and “Foreigner” series.  

• Reality checks are a common way of checking if you are lucid dreaming

• The original version of this story involved a family ghost who continues to allow himself to be summoned for purposes of ill-repute, out of loyalty to a long-dead ancestor who he once protected during the Great War.