8/05/22: Forensic Genealogy

After identifying the Golden Gate Killer, Genealogy Labs went through the entire backlog of DNA samples from cold cases in the U.S. In a series of high-publicity solves, law enforcement was able to catch the Red Violin Killer, the Trucker Tucker, the Lucky Charms Killer, and the Lake Man. 

There was one DNA sample which didn’t seem to make any sense.

“There’s no one related to the sample from the Wall Street Murders,” Salem said. 

“Have you tried using Facility Database?” Jane said. 

“Yes.”

“Did you click iScan?” 

“Yes, Jane, and before you ask, I also checked against our sister databases to check for insulated subgroups, on the off-chance the killer’s Icelandic or Magadashin.”

“Well it’s probably contaminated then. Here, let me try cleaning up the data a bit and then retrying.

The more Jane examined the sample, the more it didn’t make sense. She took it to the head researcher at Genealogy Labs. A few days later, she called: 

“Jane, I found the closest living relation to this person. It’s a guy in Taiwan who works at a laundromat.”

“That’s great!”

“The trouble is - their last shared ancestor was from six thousand years ago. The Wall Street Murderer is from a branch of the human family tree that has no other members.”

“So…”

“So… either this person has been alive for six thousand years, comes from a community which has had no crossbreeding with the rest of humanity for six thousand years, or you’ve found Big Foot.”