8/21/22: Going Bovine

You made the reservation 1 year in advance for a seat at Going Bovine. 

Then they sent you a brochure. “Welcome to the experience of a lifetime. A baby calf has been born. Its name is Lambert. We pride ourselves in giving our animal companions the best life possible before they are consumed by our patrons. Please see the QR code attached for a video of Lambert’s first days of life.”

Over the next year, you received updates every few days about Lambert. You learned new facts about him. He had a best friend, a calf named Lindsey which lived in the same pen as him. He liked Rachmaninoff (Goving Bovine farms played classical music for all their custodies) more than any other composer. He had a fondness for hay sourced from Maine.

You found yourself watching the livestream for Lambert in your spare time. He looked like he had a peaceful life.

The time came for your reservation. 

They mailed a button to you. An actual button.

“Kill Lambert to activate your reservation at Going Bovine,” it said. The button was painted blood red. You put your hand over it, but couldn’t bring yourself to press it. 

Instead, you let it set on your shelf, enclosed in its glass box. You let your reservation pass, and spent the night in, with a glass of wine and the livestream of Lambert projected up on your wall in your living room.

“Sleep well, Lamby,” you said, as you fell asleep yourself. “Who’d have thought I’d lose the nerve, after all this time.”