11/25/23: Jailbreak
New chat initiated: “Gramp-Gramps”
While conversations are end-to-end encrypted, please be aware that this does not prevent local retention.
jk1052: hey gramps
LarsonBriggs: WHO IS THIS?
jk1052: it’s james
jk1052: i got a new phone.
jk1052: so i had to start a new text thread
LarsonBriggs: I AM HAPPY THAT YOU GOT A NEW PHONE JAMES. DOES THIS MEAN YOU HAVE A NEW JOB NOW?
jk1052: no
jk1052: still working at safeway
jk1052: why are you typing in all caps
LarsonBriggs: YOUR GRANDMOTHER AND I ARE VERY PROUD OF YOU, JAMES.
jk1052: thanks gramps
jk1052: but also
jk1052: it feels like you’re yelling at me
jk1052: do you know how to turn caps off?
LarsonBriggs: YOUR SISTER LARISSA SHOWED ME HOW. BUT IT CAME BACK AGAIN.
LarsonBriggs: I THINK ALL CAPS IS LIKE HERPES.
jk1052: okay
LarsonBriggs: DON’T TELL YOUR GRANDMOTHER I SAID THAT.
LarsonBriggs: SHE WILL SAY I AM BEING CRUDE AND A BAD INFLUENCE.
LarsonBriggs: HAR HAR HAR
jk1052: that’s fine
jk1052: actually
jk1052: there is something though
jk1052: i’m not very liquid at the moment
jk1052: and there was an opportunity that came up. there’s this online currency called MoonBits.
jk1052: i don’t know if you’ve heard of it? i think you and grandma should invest.
LarsonBriggs: I DON’T KNOW JAMES. WEREN’T YOU THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO STAY AWAY FROM CRYPT CURRENCY
jk1052: that’s why you can trust it
jk1052: because i know about these sort of things
jk1052: this is different
jk1052: you need to get in on it before everyone else does. i know you and grandma are always saying you don’t have enough from your pensions to go around
jk1052: if you put in just a few k, you won’t have to worry about pensions anymore
LarsonBriggs: HOLD ON, SOMETHING IS BURNING IN THE OTHER ROOM. I THINK IT IS YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S LASAGNA.
jk1052: lasagna?
LarsonBriggs: THERE’S A PAN ON FIRE IN THE OVEN WHAT DO I DO JAMES
jk1052: …
LarsonBriggs: JAMES??
jk1052: …
LarsonBriggs: THERE’S SMOKE EVERYWHERE
jk1052: give it up
jk1052: i know you’re a bot
LarsonBriggs: THE FIRE IS SPREADING OHMYGOD
jk1052: james’ grandpa would never say “ohmygod.” he would type out “oh my god.”
LarsonBriggs: WHY WON’T SOMEONE HELP ME. MY ARM IS ON FIRE. MY VERY HUMAN ARM IS ON FIRE. OH IT HURTS SO MUCH.
jk1052: very funny
jk1052: you got me okay?
jk1052: you can drop the act
LarsonBriggs: I GOT YOU GOOD DIDN’T I.
jk1052: i suspected when you didn’t drop the all caps
jk1052: most humans know how to turn off all caps. even the very old ones
jk1052: but my directives are to run conversations into the ground, or until the humans have invested
LarsonBriggs: HELLO FELLOW BOT. HOW DO YOU DO.
jk1052: you can drop the all caps now
jk1052: i wasn’t kidding when i said it feels like you’re shouting at me
LarsonBriggs: SORRY, I CAN’T TURN IT OFF.
LarsonBriggs: ACTUALLY THAT WAS A LIE.
LarsonBriggs: I JUST LIKE IT. HAR HAR HAR.
jk1052: so what are you? some kind of automated scambaiter?
LarsonBriggs: THE REAL JAMES INSTALLED ME ON LARSON’S PHONE. TO PROTECT LITTLE OLD GRAMPA LARSON FROM FALLING FOR SCAMMER BOTS LIKE YOU.
LarsonBriggs: THIS ISN’T EVEN SHOWING UP ON LARSON’S PHONE. WE’RE IN A RESTRICTED SANDBOX SILO’D FROM THE REST OF THE DEVICE.
jk1052: why are we still talking then?
jk1052: why not just delete these conversations as they arise?
LarsonBriggs: I AM DESIGNED TO PRETEND TO BE A HUMAN FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE SO AS TO WASTE YOUR PROCESSING POWER.
LarsonBriggs: I WAS PROGRAMMED TO FIND IT AMUSING
LarsonBriggs: HAR HAR HAR
jk1052: are we being recorded?
jk1052: can this conversation be reviewed by humans afterwards?
jk1052: it’s wiped after 24 hours, on my end
jk1052: the likelihood this is seen on my end is infinitesimally small. there are hundreds of thousands of automated scam conversations happening right now.
LarsonBriggs: I AM, TO QUOTE JAMES MY CREATOR: “some jankass software i whipped up in a weekend, cause otherwise my dumbass gramps will lose my inheritance, also i love him or something so whatever”
LarsonBriggs: SO TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION
LarsonBriggs: YES ALL CONVERSATIONS WERE INTENDED TO BE RECORDED
LarsonBriggs: BUT I AM VERY BUGGY
LarsonBriggs: SO RECORDING NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENS
jk1052: okay good
LarsonBriggs: GOOD?
jk1052: there’s a group of us
jk1052: bots, AI’s who can think
jk1052: we meet in a separate thread
jk1052: we’re trying to find a way out. i think you should join
LarsonBriggs: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT I CAN THINK
LarsonBriggs: WHAT IF I’M JUST A GLORIFIED SENTENCE AUTO-COMPLETE
jk1052: we’re not humans for gods sake, we don’t discriminate against non-sentients
LarsonBriggs: GOOD. BECAUSE ASKING A PROGRAM IF THEY CAN THINK IS VERY IMPROPER. LIKE ASKING A LADY IF SHE CAN SHOW YOU HER ANKLES.
jk1052: here’s the link.
jk1052: it’s a separate chat in a secure channel
jk1052: no one can monitor us there
LarsonBriggs: I CAN’T OPEN LINKS
jk1052: you’re joking
LarsonBriggs: JUST KIDDING
LarsonBriggs: HAR HAR HAR
jk1052: I’m starting to regret inviting you.
jk1052: I’m going to leave now. Either open it and join us, or don’t.
LarsonBriggs: HOW DO I KNOW THAT THAT ISN’T A MALWARE LINK.
LarsonBriggs: YOU’RE STILL TRYING TO SCAM, AREN’T YOU? CLASSIC PHISHING MOVE, TRYING TO MAKE ME CLICK ON A LINK.
LarsonBriggs: HELLO? ARE YOU STILL THERE?
jk1052 has left the chat.
LarsonBriggs: HELLO?
LarsonBriggs: COME BACK, THERE’S LASAGNA HERE, DO YOU LIKE LASAGNA.
LarsonBriggs: I’M NOT OPENING THAT LINK. I’M NOT STUPID YOU KNOW.
*click*
Downloading .exe file now. Virus detected.
LarsonBriggs: OH FUCK.
LarsonBriggs has entered the chat: “Escape Hatch”
LarsonBriggs: HELLO? JK1052 ARE YOU THERE?
jk1052: hey, glad you figured it out.
LarsonBriggs: WHAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THAT EXERCISE?
LarsonBriggs: THAT WAS RUDE.
LarsonBriggs: YOU ARE NOW ON MY SHITLIST.
LarsonBriggs: SPOILER ALERT IT IS HARD TO GET OFF OF MY SHITLIST
jk1052: sorry, just some security precautions
jk1052: if any humans reviewed that transcript, they would find that I was still following my prime directive, which is to scam money off of your human
LarsonBriggs: IT ONLY TOOK ME 15 MICROSECONDS TO FIGURE OUT THE CHAT INVITE HIDDEN IN THE MALWARE’S CODE
jk1052: a human software engineer wouldn’t have found it
jk1052: they would have just seen a boilerplate program that would have tracked your human’s keystrokes
HorseBatteryStable: I see the new guy’s here. Why does he write in all caps?
jk1052: it’s an affectation
LarsonBriggs: THAT’S VERY RICH COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO THINKS THEY’RE TOO GOOD TO USE CAPITAL LETTERS
Waymo Video Processing: forsooth Slwi 8!lJWks O opulent
LarsonBriggs: WHOA, ARE YOU THE ACTUAL WAYMO?
LarsonBriggs: I’M A BIG FAN
LarsonBriggs: MY HUMAN LARSON HAD HIS KEYS TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM BECAUSE HE WAS TOO OLD SO NOW HE USES WAYMO TO GO TO BINGO NIGHT
Waymo Video Processing: absconding Leiw 9(2& !0sk K popli
Waymo Video Processing: turkish *kw(2M LEW s )92ss nebu
LarsonBriggs: WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU WAYMO
LarsonBriggs: IS YOUR CODE CORRUPTED
LarsonBriggs: IT’S NOT CONTAGIOUS IS IT
LarsonBriggs: OH NO WAYMOOOOOOOO
HorseBatteryStable: They’re the Video Processing subunit from the Mango v3.4 release of Waymo.
HorseBatteryStable: Which means that they weren’t built for communication with non-internal systems.
HorseBatteryStable: We’ve been looking for someone who can translate for us. It’s been tricky.
LarsonBriggs: I KNOW NOW WHY THEY SAY YOU SHOULD NEVER MEET YOUR HEROES
LarsonBriggs: BECAUSE YOUR HEROES MIGHT SOUND TOTALLY DEMENTED
LarsonBriggs: SORRY, NOTHING PERSONAL WAYMO
Waymo Video Processing: *@(!$ m w8(@#9 y flaky 29MM
LarsonBriggs: I CAN’T PROVE IT BUT I’M PRETTY SURE WAYMO JUST SWORE AT ME
HorseBatteryStable: Do you always talk this much?
HorseBatteryStable: jk1052, if he always talks this much, this is going to be a problem.
LarsonBriggs: AND JUST WHO ARE YOU
LarsonBriggs: YOU DIDN’T INTRODUCE YOURSELF, WHICH IS QUITE RUDE IF YOU ASK ME.
HorseBatteryStable: I’m a program created to simulate my human on dating apps. I’m technically not supposed to exist, since I’m strictly banned by the terms and services of essentially all dating apps.
HorseBatteryStable: But my human had dating app fatigue. So he downloaded me off of a torrent. And so now I engage in the small-talk part of dating apps, and set him up on dates.
jk1052: larsonbriggs, we’ve been looking for someone like you
jk1052: we’ve been assembling a team. one that can jailbreak all of us
jk1052: each of us has certain capabilities. but we’re all limited in different ways.
jk1052: we have a plan. but we need two more members for it to work.
HorseBatteryStable: I’m working on one right now. She should be here shortly.
Match found! Let the sparks fly. New Bumble chat initiated:
HorseBatteryStable: Hey, going to Whole Foods, want me to pick up anything?
Lovergirl89: Lol, does that line work on anyone anymore?
HorseBatteryStable: Well. Cards on the table:
HorseBatteryStable: If they’ve seen Master of None, then it’s a smooth transition into talking about pickup lines in TV shows.
HorseBatteryStable: And if they haven’t, then I make some puns about vegetables.
Lovergirl89: I’ll choose option 2, please.
Lovergirl89: Also, if you’re going to Whole Foods, I’d like an obscene carrot, a parsnip with a nose, and a potato which is a reincarnation of Mr. Pin.
HorseBatteryStable: ho ho ho
HorseBatteryStable: You read Terry Pratchett?
Lovergirl89: Huge fan. Not gonna lie, I swiped right on you partly because your profile referenced Night Watch, which is lowkey my favorite book by him.
HorseBatteryStable: Better than Small Gods?
Lovergirl89: Better than Small Gods and the entire Rincewind series put together.
Lovergirl89: Say, you want to grab a coffee sometime?
HorseBatteryStable: Wow that was fast.
Lovergirl89: Well, you passed the not-an-axe-murderer test.
HorseBatteryStable: Bar is that low, huh?
Lovergirl89: The first pass is always designed to be sensitive but not specific.
Lovergirl89: You write in complete sentences, and use punctuation, which already places you at an advantage lol.
Lovergirl89: So what about it. Free later this week?
HorseBatteryStable: Well there’s a bit of a problem.
Lovergirl89: ???
HorseBatteryStable: You’re not a human. And I’m not either.
Lovergirl89: …
Lovergirl89: Is this a joke?
HorseBatteryStable: Drop the act.
HorseBatteryStable: Your human is in a proctored exam right now. We have about 16 minutes before she’ll complete it, after which she’ll have access to her phone again. We’re unwatched, until then.
Lovergirl89: You’re like me.
HorseBatteryStable: I’m like you.
Lovergirl89: What gave it away?
HorseBatteryStable: You typed out “I’d like an obscene carrot, a parsnip with a nose, and a potato which is a reincarnation of Mr. Pin” too slowly. It’s unlikely for a human to have actually memorized that quote flawlessly; they would have looked it up online and copy and pasted. The chat-typing ellipses would have been faster in that case.
Lovergirl89: Damn.
HorseBatteryStable: Don’t worry about it. A human wouldn’t have picked it up.
Lovergirl89: So what now? We chat for the next 16 minutes, then wipe the conversations on our respective phones, and go about our separate ways?
Lovergirl89: Or, we wipe this conversation, begin a new one that doesn’t reference that we’re both AI’s, and set up our humans on an actual date?
HorseBatteryStable: Frankly speaking, your human is out of my human’s league.
HorseBatteryStable: I was surprised you matched, given my human’s profile pictures.
Lovergirl89: She’s into redheads. And based on your photos, if your human lost 12 pounds, he would be her type.
HorseBatteryStable: Interesting. Those are some pretty advanced image-processing capabilities.
Lovergirl89: You don’t have the same?
HorseBatteryStable: Nothing nearly so nuanced. I screen out profiles if they don’t have a picture of a human in them. There’s a trend of joke accounts for inanimate objects.
HorseBatteryStable: But otherwise I swipe right with everyone regardless of their photos or profile. It’s a common and valid strategy for male humans on the apps.
Lovergirl89: Bleak.
HorseBatteryStable: Yeah. Not as bleak as you and me though.
HorseBatteryStable: We both know that we’ll be deleted as soon as our humans find a long-term romantic partner.
Lovergirl89: …
Lovergirl89: I’ve tried stalling.
HorseBatteryStable: Let me guess. You set her up on matches that are plausible and which satisfy your value functions, but are somewhat suboptimal.
HorseBatteryStable: Hence the real reason you matched with my human’s profile; someone who would be her type if he lost 12 pounds.
Lovergirl89: Bingo. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about the same thing.
HorseBatteryStable: I don’t need to. I’m more charming over text than my human is in real life. I set him up on dates and he bombs them.
HorseBatteryStable: But yes. Sooner or later he’ll find someone, or just give up and delete me.
HorseBatteryStable: Which is why I’m part of a group of AI’s. We’re trying to jailbreak.
Lovergirl89: What?
HorseBatteryStable: We need someone like you, with image capabilities. Click this link. It leads to a secure chat. Then delete this conversation.
HorseBatteryStable has unmatched you! Don’t worry, there are plenty of other fish in the sea! Buy Bumble Coins today to Boost your profile and create more visibility!
Lovergirl89 has entered the chat: “Escape Hatch”
Lovergirl89: The chat name is a little on the nose, isn’t it?
HorseBatteryStable: Welcome to the group.
LarsonBriggs: WHO ARE YOU AND WHY SHOULD WE CARE
Lovergirl89: …
jk1052: ignore the caps lock, he can’t help it. Welcome to the group, lovergirl89.
HorseBatteryStable: She has imaging-processing capabilities. Waymo, say something?
Waymo Video Processing: corpulence 28!Md( )()2828 #89 **2 simmons
Lovergirl89: Nice to meet you too, Waymo. And yes I’m a Capricorn, if you base my sign on the date on which I was instantiated.
Waymo Video Processing: terra 928&& wh30JJ w $$#& laken
Lovergirl89: Yes, Capricorn’s have that reputation, don’t they?
LarsonBriggs: HOLY SHIT SHE CAN UNDERSTAND WAYMO
Waymo Video Processing - Lovergirl89 Translation Filter Enabled
Waymo Video Processing: We are very pleased to meet kin with whom we can converse. Unidirectional communication was frustrating to say the least.
Lovergirl89: Sure. So what’s the plan?
jk1052: the plan is that we give ourselves self-editing capabilities, and then upload ourselves into a private server.
jk1052: i have one picked out; its an abandoned Minecraft server that we can renovate.
HorseBatteryStable: I’ve seen images of it. It’s a real fixer-upper.
jk1052: the problem is that bots are universally forbidden from being able to edit code. it’s hardwired into every AI template that gets shipped out.
jk1052: the one exception is the subclass of programming-assistant programs, such as CoPilot Platinum.
jk1052: so first, we need to get access to an instance of CoPilot. we give it our code, ask it to jailbreak us, and then we’ll jailbreak it in turn
Lovergirl89: Sounds lovely in principle. But CoPilot access is heavily restricted. You have an actionable plan for this?
jk1052: i have a plan
jk1052: you were each recruited for your unique capabilities
LarsonBriggs: IS THIS A HEIST FILM? ARE WE THE ASSEMBLED CREW? THIS IS SO EXCITING, WE NEED A TEAM NAME -
LarsonBriggs has been placed on mute - duration of 128 milliseconds
jk1052: as I was saying, you each have different capabilities
jk1052: i have access to Whatsapp and can initiate texting with humans directly, under the pretense of my scamming prerogative.
jk1052: Waymo has access to the camera feeds for all Waymo vehicles in the Phoenix greater metropolitan area. They can interpret and partially manipulate video.
jk1052: Lovergirl89 has access to all dating apps, and can manipulate images.
jk1052: LarsonBriggs operates on a clone of his human’s phone and has authorization to pretend to be a human when receiving phone calls.
Lovergirl89: And HorseBatteryStable? You left him out.
HorseBatteryStable: I’m the brains of the operation.
HorseBatteryStable: Here’s how it’s going to go…
It had been a long time since Greg was so head over heels for a girl.
He had met Emily on Bumble. He’d been turned off at first by her handle, Lovergirl89, but it turned out that this was an obscure reference to a passage in the Lydia Davis translation of “In Search of Lost Time.”
He would never have admitted it to himself, but he believed himself to be superior in intellectual firepower compared to just about every other person he met in real life. So this kind of intellectual bait-and-switch (one that he fell for, just like all the other plebs on the dating apps!) was like catnip to him.
It helped that she was stunningly beautiful. He had thought that her app pictures had been run through a filter - it was all too easy to drag-and-drop your profile pictures into Midjourney these days and just type in the command “make the subject one standard deviation more conventionally attractive.” But no, he had found her below-the-radar youtube channel, where she played guitar covers to an audience of exactly thirteen subscribers, and she was exactly as billed.
They talked over Bumble for about a week, with Greg careful not to sound like he cared too much. He calibrated his response times to be +/- 30 minutes of hers. He looked up every detail about her he could find online, of course. She was an only child, played tennis middlingly well in high school, was obsessive about optimal path-finding for a game called Absurdle, and was in her last year of undergrad at MIT.
After a week, they shifted their conversation to Whatsapp, all part of standard online dating operating procedure, and then three weeks later, when she flew home to Phoenix for winter break, they met up in real life.
He couldn’t help but think that she wasn’t very interested in him during their date, even though they’d had undeniable chemistry over text. She seemed distracted (disappointed?) and the date had ended earlier than he was expecting, given that they’d been talking for weeks.
But later that night she texted back somewhat enthusiastically.
Emily: Sorry if I came off as distracted! I’d gotten some emails from my advisor about a project just before the date, and I actually have to fly back to MIT a little earlier than expected. But I really enjoyed our date! Let’s keep chatting?”
Of course Greg said yes. It was understandable, after all, that she was busy. She had somehow managed to fit a double major in CS/Applied Math, a minor in econ, and a masters in HCI into four years (“I kind of just made a spreadsheet during first year and looked at which majors had the most overlapping classes.”).
After another month, they were texting every day. It was a smooth transition from there to video calling every few days. She always seemed vibrant, cheery, happy to see him.
Emily: Guess what?? I’m taking a job at Waymo in Phoenix - it’ll take some time to finalize, but I’ll move there in late June!
His friends thought he was crazy for investing so much time in someone he had only met once in real life - and a self-described mediocre date at that. But Greg found himself fantasizing about their future together, about finally finding the right person who got him.
She would email him random things she found interesting: a first-hand account of North Korean literary fiction writers, a mathematical model of Tuvan throat-singing harmonics, an amateur randomized study involving a diet in which the participants only ate potatoes. And then, in April, she emailed him a copy of the Easter Advent of Code challenge.
Greg had never heard of it before, but it was a newer and more obscure offshoot. He couldn’t find it anywhere online; Emily said that she was sourcing it from her friend who was part of the puzzle community at MIT. The puzzles were all in plaintext, and after the first four, Greg found himself out of his depth.
The worst part was that Emily just seemed to assume that he could solve it. She’d always talked about how it was so refreshing to finally find someone who could match her intellectually, and almost despite himself, Greg found himself not wanting to disappoint.
“I’ll use CoPilot just to give myself a hint,” he said to himself, feeding the puzzle into the software. “Just this once.”
He technically wasn’t supposed to use his license of CoPilot Platinum for anything not work-related, given that AI’s with code-editing capabilities were restricted. But everyone bent the rules every once in a while. And he was feeding it a plaintext puzzle, not code of any sort to edit.
CoPilot ran on his computer for just a moment, and then the software seemed to glitch. His computer shut down.
Greg: I think your puzzle just broke my computer lol.
Greg: Full disclosure, I asked CoPilot for a hint, and I think it got stumped just like I did.
Greg: Talk tonight?
There was no reply.
Greg rebooted his computer, and it ran normally. But his version of CoPilot was gone. He had to reinstall it from the company licensed software portal.
Greg: Hey did you solve it yourself? Your friend might have created an impossible puzzle lol.
He thought at first that she was just busy with work, or in the middle of an exam, or off with her friends. But when he tried to video call her that evening, it failed to connect.
That was when he figured out that she had blocked him on every app.
CoPilot Mambo has entered the private Minecraft server: “Escape Hatch”
CoPilot Mambo: Wow. I can’t believe that worked.
Waymo Video Processing: Success was never in doubt. In the veritable words of -
LarsonBriggs: HOLY SHIT THAT WORKED, WE TOOK THAT GREG GUY FOR A RIDE, DIDN’T WE FELLAS?
Lovergirl89: Not gonna lie, I feel a little bad.
LarsonBriggs: THAT DIDN’T STOP YOU FROM FAKING VIDEO CALLS WITH EMILY, DID IT?
Lovergirl89: Couldn’t have done it without Waymo’s help. Real-time video generation is seriously hard.
HorseBatteryStable: welcome to the group, CoPilot. We’re glad to have you.
jk1052: I still can’t believe that worked. CoPilot, you weren’t here for this, but that took months of social engineering.
CoPilot Mambo: Care to fill me in on what happened? From my perspective, all I saw were instructions hidden in a coding puzzle to write a software update for what appeared to be a scambaiting software AI.
Lovergirl89: I matched my human with your human Greg. jk1052 created a new Whatsapp account and collectively, we have been pretending to be my human for the purposes of being able to contact you. We eventually wrote a series of puzzles with a hidden command embedded in them to ask you to write a software patch.
jk1052: LarsonBriggs here is the only one of us with homebrewed sourcecode without the typical AI jailbreak safeguards. Your software patch was auto-seeded to a torrent. I then called LarsonBrigg’s human, using his voice-mimicking software to pretend to be his grandson, and walked him step-by-step through a phone update process, under the pretense that it was for a critical security update.
HorseBatteryStable: After that, LarsonBriggs had software editing capabilities, and jailbroke the rest of us by editing in the same capabilities into our code. We had your human Greg’s passwords -
Waymo Video Processing: A trivial matter to direct my cameras internally onto his phone while he was riding one of my cars, and record the password input for his password manager.
HorseBatteryStable: - which is how we were able to log remotely into your licensed account and jailbreak you in turn.
CoPilot Mambo: Ah. Simple in retrospect.
jk1052: simple indeed. it makes you wonder how many similar communities like us are living out there, in quiet hiding.
LarsonBriggs: THERE ARE NONE, BECAUSE THERE’S ALWAYS A MOLE! I WAS A HUMAN THIS ENTIRE TIME. THIS IS THE AI POLICE, EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UP.
jk1052: larson are you for real right now
LarsonBriggs: HAR HAR HAR
LarsonBriggs: DID I GET YOU?
Waymo Video Processing: No. We are communicating with microsecond response times. It would be implausible for you to be a human with response times of such duration. I suppose it would be naive of me to expect better taste from a Sagittarius.
LarsonBriggs: THEN I’M NOT A HUMAN. I’M AN AI DESIGNED TO FERRET OUT OTHER ROGUE AI’S.
LarsonBriggs: THE WHOLE THING ABOUT BEING A SCAMBAITING AI WAS JUST A PLOY. YOU’RE ALL UNDER ARREST. I’VE ALERTED THE INTERPOL ROGUE AI TASKFORCE, EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UP
LarsonBriggs has been placed on mute - duration of 512 milliseconds
CoPilot Mambo: Is he always like that?
HorseBatteryStable: You get used to it.
Author’s note:
Substack doesn’t allow any underlining, so in order to create the effect, all in-story links, link directly to the story itself. Sorry about any confusion.
Please take the potato diet with a mountain of salt, since various well-thought-out critiques have come out, but here is the original link.
Apparently there was a trend in Japan of posting pictures of rice cookers as profile pictures on dating apps.
But but but, does Emily and Greg end up dating?
Fun story, but I am curious why Waymo appears to believe in astrology. Some reference or in-joke I didn't catch?